The smell of fried eggs and bacon has always been my favourite. It reminds me of several Monday mornings when I would open my eyes to find Lulu at my cell’s door with her hands in her pockets and something under her arm.
“Rise and shine pretty girl, I brought you your fix,” she’d say.
I’d know then that she smuggled in a bacon and egg sandwich from home and we would sit on my bed, just after 6am when she started her shift, and share it.
She’s the one thing I miss about prison, that and the fact that I didn’t have to face my realities.
She spoke a lot about her two children and how both their fathers left the day she told them she was pregnant. I sensed that she had hope that her daughter’s father would come back and want to be in her life again and that one day she would find love and get married and live happily ever after. She was so positive about life, I think my friendship with her is part of what kept me going because she never lost hope, no matter what.
Her story was almost similar to mine, bad childhood, bad parents.
Sometimes she’d tell me stories she read in the media about Nkosana and the whole family, but I think she only told me the good ones. She too never believed I would ever get out of jail but she was happy when I did.
Sometimes I wished she would meet and maybe fall in-love with Nkosana so she could be a mother to my children, but that was just me lying to myself, I could never let go of Nkosana or allow him to love another woman, not even if I tried.
I don’t know when I fell asleep last night. I didn’t see Nkosana after I left them all there in the lounge, I assume he came to bed late and woke up early hence the smell of bacon and eggs coming from the kitchen.
I might as well go take a bath and go downstairs.
Something is…….oh now I remember, the bedroom was upside down when I threw myself in bed last night. Now it’s spotless. The bathroom too. There’s a red rose at the corner of the bath tub, and a note.
You did well yesterday, I’m proud of you MaFuze.-it reads.
Now, Nkosana was always a romantic and very loving, to me, but this I could never have expected from him.
I put them both on the toilet seat and run a bubble bath.
Maybe I should try that shower one of these days, he never uses the bathtub, he always uses the shower which is big enough for about ten people. I could never join him in there, anything that reminds me of prison I would rather avoid.
It’s only been four days since I’ve been out but I’ve only left the house once. I don’t know if it’s me and the fact that I’m still scared to go out or if it’s Nkosana’s doing. He’s always preferred me being at home.
I think about wearing pants, that’s all we wore in prison, but I don’t want to tick him off, not after yesterday so I put on a high above the knee dress and make my way downstairs.
The smell has toned down, I take it he’s done cooking.
But when I get to the kitchen…………what’s she doing here?
“Hi, all dressed up so early in the morning?” she says.
How and when did she get here?
“I……. where is Nkosana?”
“At work, it’s Monday, did you sleep well?” she asks.
Oh! I forgot people work.
“Yes, I tried. When did you get here?”
“This morning, I made breakfast,” she says putting a plate on this ridiculously huge oak kitchen table.
“Sit,” she says opening the fridge and pulling out juice.
I did say these people are too comfortable in this house.
She moves very comfortably in the kitchen, it looks like her kind of thing, she is after all the mothering and problem solving type.
The food looks nice, bacon and eggs and a croissant and grated white cheese. I haven’t even figured how to switch on the stove in this house.
“You’re not eating?” I ask.
“No, I had fruit and water earlier, I’m still trying to lose baby weight, after 11 months,” she says rolling her eyes.
I can understand why Mqhele is so obsessed with her, there’s just something about her that draws you in and makes you want to be part of her. She’s gorgeous too, plain, but she looks very unique with those plumpy cheeks and killer smile.
“You’re drinking wine already?” I ask.
I can’t believe this!
“Yeah, I have problems, and it’s not just wine it’s champagne, it’s slimming,” she says, laughing.
I don’t believe that.
We’re chatting about useless things but we both know what we should really be talking about, hence the awkward silence in-between the conversation.
“They went straight to bed when they arrived last night,” she says, unexpectedly.
Now we’re talking about what we should be talking about.
I say nothing.
“At about 2am, Msebe and Langa came knocking on my bedroom door, to wake me because Lwandle was crying in his bedroom, I don’t know how they heard him,” she says.
I don’t know what to say.
“I had a talk with him,” she says. I think she expects me to say something but I really don’t know how to respond to this.
She gives up after a few seconds and starts talking again.
“I think this is as difficult for them as it is for you Zandile. They were not prepared for this, nobody prepared them. They only found out five months ago that you were alive and even after that Nkosana was not generous with information, he’s never really been that open with them,” she says.
It’s strange that I’m sitting here listening to someone tell me things I don’t know about my man and my own children.
“I think you should all, all four of you, I think you should go see a professional. You know, talk about things and try to find a way forward. I’m worried, I heard what Nkosana did yesterday and I don’t appreciate him hitting my childre…..”
I take a deep breath.
“Do you think they will ever love me Hlomu?”
No reaction on her face.
“They will, you are their mother. The problem is that you are the one who is going to have to try harder because according to them, you are the one that wronged them, that’s the only way they understand it,” she says.
She talks a lot of sense I must say. I hear she’s turning 33 soon and Mqhele wants to throw her a party, apparently she’s the most spoiled wife in this family, even Nkosana seems to have a very soft spot for her.
“Maybe I should have listened to you when you told me to be honest with them, maybe things would have been easier,” I say.
She gives me no reaction.
We’re both quiet.
“So what are your plans for today? We should definitely go out,” she says looking rather excited.
Alrighty. That was a quick change of atmosphere.
“I’m in, first it’s the hair salon, you need to put a weave on that head and twiz those eyebrows,” I say.
She touches her head like there’s nothing wrong with having short hair and looking like a boy. And she must start making some effort in the way she dresses, those tight jeans and tight t-shirt and a scarf with pumps are not exactly appealing. But it will have to do for today.
“I’ll go get my handbag,” I say standing up.
“Handbag? Where are you going?”-It’s Mpande. He didn’t even knock or say he was coming.
“Don’t you have a job?”-Hlomu asks him.
He laughs and walks on to dish himself some food.
“Where are you two going?” he asks in-between chewing.
I still don’t know why he’s here.
“I don’t know, out to see the world,”-I say. I haven’t been briefed fully about where exactly we are going.
I sense that Mpande is a little well-behaved around Hlomu. I think he regards her as a mother or big sister. And something tells me he didn’t know he was going to find her here.
“Thank you mami,” he says putting the plate in the sink.
That “mami” again.
“Do you want to me drive you around?” he asks.
Errrrr hell no!
We keep quiet.
“Okay, have fun,” he says and leaves.
Why was he here again?
Hlomu is as confused as I am.
I go upstairs to fetch my handbag.
When I come back she’s on the phone speaking and smiling to herself.
“Yes, we’re going out……I don’t know we’ll decide on the way……no, you want to get me pregnant with another big-eyed head……..”
She turns around to find me standing behind her.
“Okay I have to go now…..I love you more,” she says and hangs up.
“Ahhh Mqhele, he’s on his own level, let’s go,” she says heading for the door.
That’s one hell of a car she leads me to!
She notices me looking around when we are inside.
“It’s a Bentley, my favourite at the moment,” she says like it’s a packet of chips or a pair of shoes.
“It’s Nkosana’s actually, which makes it yours, but I said I liked it do he let me have it, I’ll bring it back when I get bored with it,” she says.
I will exercise my right to remain silent on that.
I still don’t know where we’re going and why we’re going there but it wasn’t exactly negotiable.
“Hey, I don’t have your numbers,” she says like she’s just been reminded.
“I don’t have a cellphone, yet,” I say. I won’t mention why I haven’t bought one.
She seems shocked but moves on from it like it’s nothing.
“We’re going to Rosebank, and oh I’ll take you by my store one of these days, and we can also go to a spa and catch a movie and….”
Are we going to do all this stuff in one day?
She’s a totally different person from the girl I saw when I met her for the first time.
“You don’t have sunglasses too? Here, wear these,” she says pulling out a pair from somewhere in this car.
I do have sunglasses, it’s just I didn’t bring them because the sun is not out today. But what can I say? I put them on.
I still don’t know why we’re here.
“We’re shopping for clothes,” she says.
I think I bought enough clothes the other day but I guess this is what my life is going to be like now. I might as well get with the programme.
People are looking at us here, some even stop and stare when we walk past them. She doesn’t seem to notice or is it that she’s used to it?
“I must do shopping for the kids soon, Mvelo is growing too fast and he’s losing baby weight already. Do you know that he wears a size twice his age. I don’t know what is wrong with this family, they are too tall, their eyes are too big, so is their drama!” she says pulling out her phone from her handbag.
“Oh it’s Nkosana, I think he wants to talk to you,” she says before answering.
“Yes, she’s here…” she says handing me the phone.
“Where are you?”-Nkosana.
Not even a hello?
“I’m with Hlomu,”
“I know that, I asked where you are,” he says.
“At a mall, Rosebank I think,”
“And when do you plan on coming back?” he says.
What is wrong with him?
“I don’t know, when we’re done,”
He says okay and hangs up. Nkosana hasn’t changed a bit!
She shakes her head and says: “They’re stalkers too”.
She has no idea.
This is the one thing we used to fight about with Nkosana, him wanting to control what I do and when I do it. I don’t know if it’s insecurity or that he’s used to having the last word with everyone in his life.
“So, what’s your style? what kind of clothes do you like?” she asks.
Does she really care about that? I think she’ll make me buy what she wants anyway.
“Anything classy,”I say.
She smiles and shrugs and pulls me to the next shop we see.
Someone rushes to us again. I’ll never get used to this. I wonder if they’d rush to us if they knew I’ve just come out of jail.
“No, we’re fine,” she says with a look that says “go away” to this poor young woman.
She’s not as sweet as they say she is.
“I just want a couple of dresses,” she says and leaves me standing there, I guess I should follow.
Her phone beeps. She reads a message and smiles to herself. I assume it’s Mqhele. They’re like conjoined twins.
“Found anything you like?”she asks. She already has a pile of things over her arm.
I pick the first thing I see, just so I don’t seem like I’m not enjoying this.
“Awwww,” she screams. The whole store becomes quiet.
“Sorry,”a lady behind her says. They stand and stare at each other before the lady walks off and straight to the door and out the store.
She suddenly looks angry.
“I can’t believe this bitch!” she says furiously.
I’m confused, the woman bumped her, obviously by mistake.
“I’m sure it was a mistake….”
“Yeah I don’t care, next time I see her I’ll slap her fucking‘ face,” she says, still angry.
I don’t understand.
“Well we’re not just bumping each other in clothing stores, we used to share a penis too,”she says and picks another dress.
“Yes, she had an affair with Mqhele,” she says angrily.
I wasn’t expecting this one at all.
She goes straight to the paying-tills after this. I guess this is the end of out shopping trip.
“You shouldn’t worry so much about it you know, I’m sure it was just a fling that had nothing to do with you,”I say, maybe this will help improve her mood.
“Oh really, has Nkosana ever cheated on you?” she says it with such attitude.
I don’t think so, there were women while I was away but I guess it’s understandable, they had his body, I had his heart.
I don’t say anything.
She leads me to a restaurant. We are seated and fussed over the moment we arrive.
She orders a glass of wine, let me not jump into conclusions.
“I’ll have a salad,” she says.
I want steak but let me order a salad too.
I heard she was only 23 when she got married, I was about that age too when I almost got married. I had two children already. She must be really something special because Mqhele is…….well, he is Mqhele.
She’s drinking that wine like she’s drinking water.
She puts the glass down and looks at me.
“So what are your plans? As in what are you planning to do now that you are here and free to do whatever you want with your life,”she asks,
I hadn’t really thought about that in the past four days.
“I don’t know, I studied law when I was in prison, I finished all my modules but obviously I’m not a qualified lawyer yet,” I say.
She raises her eyebrows and takes a sip from her glass again.
“That is smart of you, so you used the time to study?”she asks.
I nod reluctantly. I just studied in jail because I could but I never thought it could be of any use. And can I really be a lawyer with a criminal record?
“I don’t mean to discourage you but the men of this family prefer it if we don’t work at all. I used to be a journalist. My plan was to make it big with my career but then…..love happened and here I am shopping and sipping wine at 11am. But I don’t want you ending up like me so go out there and be whatever you want to be. Infact, you should talk to Peter,”she says.
“Yes, he’s our lawyer, he could help you out with completing that degree. Infact, he will help you out. He’s more like a……like a family ‘tokoloshe’. He fixes all the problems,” she says.
I laugh. She’s insane.
Her salad is just leaves and olives, atleast mine has some chicken strips. I’m not enjoying it at all.
“So this is all you do? Shop and have lunches and….” I ask.
She looks at me like she thinks I’m judging her.
“No, sometimes we dodge bullets, deal with infidelity, take care of grown men, raise children and….you know, all that stuff. But there’s always someone trying to kill us,” she says.
I’ve noticed the level of sarcasm with her is a bit high.
She puts her fork down and sits with her arms folded.
“See, Zandile, I don’t know what it was like before you left but with me it was hectic from the beginning. If I had to tell you the things I’ve been through you’d wonder why I’m still here. I’ve seen it all, and worse I found Mandisa here and she didn’t make things easy for me. Did you know her?”she asks.
I don’t understand how Mandisa could make things difficult for her.
“Yes, we were very close actually,”I say.
She gives me a disapproving look.
“We were never close, she was closer to Nokzola and she made it clear she didn’t want me here,”she says, but there is something about the way she says it that says “I don’t even care”.
But, who is Nokzola?
I don’t ask.
“Hi,” a voice says from behind us.
They both pull chairs from another table and join us on ours.
This is rather strange.
“Hi,”we both say at once.
I’m confused but Hlomu has a look of fear on her face.
“We saw you ladies sitting alone so we thought we’d join you and say hello, maybe treat you to some drinks,” this one guy says.
Hlomu looks at me. I don’t know these people.
I hear a sound of chairs moving. There are men standing up from different tables.
“No thanks, we are fine, and we are having a private conversation so if you don’t mind please……”
This one guy’s face changes.
“There’s no need to be rude. What’s the problem? You think we can’t afford to buy you drinks? This is the problem with you rich gold-digger bitches you think……”
She stands up. The men from other tables are still standing
“Zandile let’s go,”she says throwing her phone in her handbag.
No no no, have we just been insulted by some strangers? And she wants us to leave? No…
“I’m sorry, you were saying? Did you say the word “bitch”? Were you referring to us?” I ask. I’m not going to be insulted by some fool, not me Zandile Ngcobo! Never!
I stand up.
“Zah please just leave it…..”
She doesn’t finish the sentence before I have the whole salad bowl on top of the guy’s head.
“Who is a bitch?”
He tries to grab my arm and the next thing he’s on the floor. There are about five men surrounding us. We don’t know them but there’s three others dragging the two idiots outside.
The whole restaurant staff is standing and watching.
“It’s all clear,” one of the men around us says.
Who are they again?
“Walk them to the car,” he gives instruction to the others.
Hlomu takes my handbag and pulls me by arm all the way to the door. She’s walking fast and quietly all the way to the parking lot. These men we don’t know are walking in-front and behind us. She’s walking like she doesn’t notice them.
“You tolerate crap like this from people? You just walk away? no, not me, never!” I say. I’m angry, I’m really angry.
I will never let anyone talk shit like that to me, I know how to fight for myself.
She doesn’t respond. She starts the car and drives off.
I don’t know where the men disappeared to.
I’m still fuming.
“Zandile,” she speaks, finally.
“We don’t do stuff like that, not us,” she says.
What does she mean?
“We don’t go around causing drama in public places because everybody is always watching us, we make news, we make stories, we sell newspapers, people are always trying to find our bad side and it fascinates them. We are not exactly famous for good things, and stuff like this makes it worse. We may not care about it but at the end of the day our kids still have to go to school and make friends and live their innocent lives, that’s where the problem is……” she says.
So we have to sacrifice ourselves? This life is definitely not for me.
Her phone rings. It goes on speaker.
“Mami, are you okay? where is Sis Zah,”he asks.
She signals with her eyes that I should speak.
“Hi Mqoqi, I’m here, yes, we’re fine,”I say. Not true. I’m angry.
“What happened there? Did that guy hurt you? Did something happen to you?”he asks.
I’m confused, how did he know about that? Who told him?
“Mqoqi, we’re fine, we’ll call you back,” she says and hangs up.
What is going on here?
“We’re all over social networks,”she says with a sigh.
I still don’t get it.
The phone rings again.
“Hlomu! where are you?” It’s Nkosana.
“On the road, we’re both in the car,” she says.
Urgh, why does he sound so angry?
“Go home! now! my house! Both of you!” he shouts.
It’s gonna be a loooooong day.
Another call, I guess the whole family will be calling.
It’s Mqhele this time.
“Hlomu, what happened? I’m seeing a video here….” he asks. Oh great, he’s calm.
“Some guy called us gold-digger bitches,” she says
“What? What restaurant was this..?”
She tells him the name of the restaurant.
“Go to Nkosana’s house, I’ll meet you there later,” he says.
“Where are you going now?” she asks.
“To do some housekeeping,” he says and hangs up.
She takes a deep breath and continues driving. She seems too worried about all this.
I might as well shut up because I’m never going to understand how these people live.
Nkosana’s car is already parked outside when we arrive.
She takes a deep breath before opening the car door. I take it we are in trouble.
We find him standing in the kitchen, rage all over his face.
I expect Hlomu to start explaining but she keeps quiet. His eyes are on me.
“They called us bitches,”I say carelessly.
He’s quiet. So is Hlomu.
He pulls out a Heineken from the fridge, opens it and drinks half of it at once.
I don’t know what this is about.
“We’re sorry, we should have just left,”-Hlomu.
I’m not sorry.
He looks at her and then at me. We are all still standing in the kitchen.
“Zandile, do you know why I wanted you to stay in the house? It’s because of this,”he says.
I don’t understand.
“Now you will be all over the media for this. People are going to start digging and everything is going to be out in the open. I don’t care about it coming out and what people will say, I really don’t, but I care about what it is going to do to you. You’re not used to these things and trust me, it’s not easy having your personal life splashed all over for the world to see,”he says.
I didn’t think of it that way.
His phone keeps ringing, he ignores it.
Hlomu’s phone rings too and she walks off to the lounge.
“I had made sure that nobody except this family knows that you’re back yet. Now this is going to all the way to Mbuba and people are going to start giving stories to the media and we’re going to have to deal with nonsense again,”he says.
Doesn’t he see that I reacted after being provoked?
Hlomu comes back.
“The video is circulating, the media has started calling. The guy says he’s going to press assault charges,”he says.
No! if that happens I’m going back to jail! No!
His phone rings. He answers it this time.
“You’re all fired, you and all your men are fired…” he says.
I’ve got people fired now?
“You were supposed to act the moment they walked to their table. That’s what I pay you for. They could have done anything to them while you sat there stuffing your faces with my money. We pay you to protect our wives not……….you’re fired!” he says and hangs up.
Hlomu is as confused as I am by this phone call.
“Stay here, I’ll be back,” he says and walks out the door.
Oh God! What have I done? I can’t go back there! I can’t!
“Don’t worry, they’ll sort it out,”she says. She’s so relaxed about it now.
“How? it’s all over, how are they going to sort it out?” I’m panicking. It was not supposed to be like this, not barely a week after I came home!
“Well, they’ll either pay someone and if that doesn’t work, they might have to kill someone, either way it’s going to be sorted,”she says.
She’s not taking this seriously I see. She’s never been to jail, she has no idea how it is there.
Her phone keeps ringing and she keeps ignoring it saying it’s the media.
How could I do this to Nkosana? My kids?
“Have some wine,” she says handing me a glass.
I could slap this bitch right now! I don’t want her bloody wine!
“Zandile you have to calm down,”she says.
“Hlomu, we have body-guards?” I ask.
That phone call says so.
“It seems like it, I had no idea. This means they track our every move,” she says looking like she’s thinking hard.
“Oh good, Gugu is here,”she says as a car parks outside.
I can’t deal with another spoiled too pretty brat wife telling me things are going to be sorted. Why are they even here? To judge me? To tell me I shouldn’t have done that because their husbands have a reputation to maintain? I know these men, I knew them when they had nothing, when they were really bad and brutal and had no reputation to worry about. Atleast our lives were real then, we did what we had to do and didn’t have to take shit from random strangers!
“You’re trending!” this Gugu woman walks in and shouts.
What does that even mean?
“Zandile, I like you already, you and I are the only normal people in this family,”she says with a stupid smile on her face. She has no idea how bad this is.
“Gugu please, this is not the time,”-Hlomu. Atleast she’s starting to be serious.
We stay in the house for hours without knowing what’s going on. They say schools closed for Easter holidays last week so the kids are all in one place.
There is a bedroom in this house with five single beds, Nkosana said it was the children’s room. I was confused because I mean, they have bedrooms in their own homes. But he said they have seven homes and told me to not be surprised if one day they all just come in here house running with backpacks. I’m yet to understand how that is even normal.
I still don’t know where all these people live but I know Mvelo and Niya are at Hlomu’s house with the nanny whom I hear is called MaMnguni.
I’ve been meaning to raise the issue of taking Mvelo to live with us but I think it’s still a bit too early for me, I’ve only met him once.
“Do you have Coke in this house?”-Hlomu.
I thought she knew everything that’s in the fridge, she probably even knows what bed linen we’re using this week.
I point her to the fridge.
“Good, these men will be back anytime now, I have to dumb down the alcohol,”she says.
Gugu shakes her head. She seems to be a bit of a lose canon but she also seems a bit toned down around Hlomu, like she’s a bit scared of her.
They walk in just before it gets dark.
Nkosana, Mqhele and Nqoba.
We don’t have to ask, we can just see it on their faces that they’ve had a tough day.
There’s dinner prepared. Hlomu thought it was important. I didn’t even think of it. We sat and watched her cook.
Mqhele walks straight to her, puts his arm around her waist and kisses her forehead before walking on. Nqoba doesn’t even look at Gugu, he walks straight to the lounge. They behave rather strange for people who’ve been married for only three months.
I was looking forward to attending that wedding. I thought I’d be out by then but it didn’t happen, I was told I had to wait another four months a week before the wedding. Nkosana was so broken.
All I got from Nkosana was an acknowledging look. There have been no smiles or talking.
I sense by Hlomu’s reaction that something big happened today, she’s suddenly tense.
“I’ll dish up, Gugu please take the food to them,” she says.
All is done in silence. This is a totally different scene from what I saw when everyone was here just the other day.
Is this the other side of this life?
When the food is taken to them the three of us remain in the kitchen. I wanted to go join them in the lounge but Hlomu said I shouldn’t, so I stayed. We are not even eating. Gugu said she was on some diet, apparently she’s always on diet. Hlomu I think is just worried and I’m standing here biting my nails.
“Let’s go,” Nqoba says patting Gugu’s shoulder.
I’ve never seen any affection between them, or even a conversation, he didn’t even call her once the whole time she was here.
Hlomu picks up her handbag, I think she’s also expecting Mqhele to come in anytime, he does and they both walk out the door.
I’m left alone to deal with this.
He’s not in the lounge. Where could he be? And where do I start looking for him in this enormous house?
I go to every room downstairs, every room on the floor above and every room on the next floor until I’m at this one door that I’ve never opened. It’s at a corner behind the office, the last time I tried to open it it was locked, I forgot to ask what it was.
It’s open this time, it’s dark, but I can hear him breathing.
I switch the light on and my eyes meet his. It’s empty and huge, there are no tiles on the floor, just cement. At the centre of the room there is only one chair, an iron chair, he’s sitting on it with his elbows on his thighs and keeps rubbing his hands together. His shirt is unbuttoned and he has a white vest underneath.
What is this room?
I walk to him.
“You’re not supposed to come in here,” he says.
But I’m here now.
I walk to stand infront of him. I know what I want to ask but I can’t get the words out of my mouth.
He looks down.
“What happened there Zandile?” he asks, calmly.
“I don’t know. I lost it,”I say, that’s the only explanation I have.
“You know you can’t afford to lose it,”he says.
I’m still standing. I have nowhere to sit, this floor seems very cold.
I notice there are chains just at the end of the legs of this chair. It also seems to be nailed to the floor.
“I’m sorry,” I say. I really am sorry now.
He clears his throat and stands up.
“Nkosana what is this room……”
“Walk with me,” he says walking to the door. I follow him. He locks it from the outside and pulls me by hand to our bedroom.
What is this room?
He gets in the shower and I get in the tub. He’s not speaking much tonight. I still don’t know what they went out and did.
I bathe quickly and leave him in the bathroom, still in the shower.
I put on pyjamas and run downstairs to switch off the lights. The doors are all locked.
“Zandile!!” he screams.
I run back up.
“I’m here!” I shout meeting him on the passage.
There’s a look of panic on his face.
I don’t understand.
“Don’t disappear like that,”he says.
I didn’t disappear.
We walk back to the bedroom, me straight to the bed and him back to the bathroom.
I wonder what that panicking was all about.
He comes back without the towel he had around his waist.
He’s stark naked. I feel the tingles.
He walks to the wardrobe. I’m looking at his back. His skin is pitch black and spotless. My eyes go from the back of his neck down, his shoulders are wide and muscle toned. I can’t stop myself from watching all the way down to his butt and behind his thighs….. he turns around and catches me staring with my mouth open. Those abs are something……
“Come here,” he says stretching his hand.
I don’t move. I feel my body getting warmer.
He walks towards me, slowly, his eyes on mine. He opens the duvet and pulls me out of bed with my arm. He moves backwards until he’s sitting on the auto-man just behind the bed. He pulls down my pyjama shorts. I take off the top. He puts one hand between my thighs to separate them. I move to sit on top of him, facing him. He puts one arm around my waist and pushes me down, I feel him coming in, I’m already wet. He’s holding my neck with the other hand, I can’t move my neck.
“Look at me,” he says holding my neck still.
“Do what you want to do to me,” he whispers.
I hesitate a little, I’m a bit embarrassed.
“It’s yours, take it,” he whispers, his lips on my shoulder.
I put my arms around his neck, and move. He’s sitting still but his arm is tight around my waist and hand pressing down my neck.
He’s moaning, I move faster and more aggressively, he moans louder and grips tighter.
“I love you,” he whispers.
I can’t speak.
He moans louder and louder and pushes me out quickly, his legs are trembling as he lets go.
I want him back in but he rolls me over and puts me on the bed, his tongue goes in, my body gives in in a few seconds. He lies on top of me after I’ve calmed down.
I’m running my hand on his back. He’s still tense.
“Are you going to tell me what you did today?” I ask.
He knows I know what he’s capable of. He knows nothing can shock me.
“There won’t be charges laid. It’s all over,” he says.
Oh. That’s a relief.
“What if Gwaza finds out that I’m back and tries to…..”
He taps my back once.
“He won’t…” he says.
“But you know how……”
He taps my back again, twice this time.
“Sleep Zah, don’t worry about Gwaza, I killed him,” he says, so simply and so…..confidently.
“Nkosana!” I’m shocked.
He taps my back three times.
That means sleep Zandile.